Strong Enough

What I wrote in my last post just sounds so...fake. I'm not saying that I didn't feel those words, but they just don't sound right. Who wants to hear crap like that? I have a long way to go to be able to express my self properly, but that's the purpose of starting this blog - to write with some discipline, knowing that others may be reading, instead of writing however I want for myself in a journal. So, have patience people!

For now I'll let Sheryl Crow express to you pretty much exactly the state of me right now:

God, I feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage I cannot fight
I'd be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Nothing's true and nothing's right
So let me be alone tonight
Cause you can't change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I'll believe
Lie to me
But please don't leave

I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
It's try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?

When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I'll believe
Lie to me
But please don't leave

**

The fear.

I am scared of writing. There is so much in my head that I want to put down. I am scared of saying too much but I am also scared of not getting everything down. I am scared about who will read it and I am scared that no-one will read it.

Ok, so this is how it works...

Raaaaaah.
I needed a space.
There is so much existential crap in my head right now, I needed a place to write, to vent, to understand, to reach out, to discover. Facebook just doesn't cut it - whenever I think of writing a note or even a new profile statement I end up going through each and every one of the 161 on my friend list and picture their reactions to my posts. It gets so long that I get fed up and end up writing something mundane like "Go, Murray!" or nothing at all :)

I want to write about whatever the hell I want with nobody knowing who I am. Well...I am obviously optimistic and think that more than one person will actually read these useless meanderings, but this is really just a writing exercise and a tool to stop me being so bloody moody all the time.

Life, love, music, art - and my job, it's pretty interesting but we'll get to that later.

Wow. I actually wrote something. One small step...